[giecel, lemme borrow your words.]
WALA NA. IT'S OVER.
i'm just so happy right now. everything is fixed. no more hard feelings. no more scandalous posts and blogs. it really feels good.
TO SOMEONE: i've already said this. I'M SORRY. i didn't mean to hurt you. i am happy to bring back the good relationship we had before. happy to be your friend. take my blessing to you and your boyfriend. i pray for the both of you.
_joannii
it was 5 pm when i went down the building after my comm 1 class to see my friends. they're actually my blockmates who had other professor for comm 1. at ayun, we had our crazy chit-chats over our crushes :D
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jessica: oh, kamusta?
ako: ok lang..so panu ung report?
jessica: week-end, hati nlang tayo.
ako: ok [di ako mahilig kumontra tulad nung IBA jan para lang mapansin]
aj at ciacia: magwiwithdraw muna kmi.
[silence...]
jessica: tignan mo ung mga guys dun..ung mga suitors mo? haha.
ako: ha? ahh..oo nga, hinihintay nila kong umuwi.
jessica: alin dyan?!
ako: lahat. tignan mo, serious sila. sabi nung isa, "pare, pustahan tayo ako pipiliing kasabay ni joanne sa pang-uwi."
[tawanan...]
jessica: ikaw talaga!
ako: oh, bakit ako? kaw ung nagsimula eh. malay natin, totoo pala un. haha.
jessica: bahala ka nga!
[i would like to acknowledge the arrival of aj and ciacia]
ciacia: [mukhang yinurak-yurakan ang pagkatao]
ako: oh, anong nangyari?
ciacia: ahh..huhu...ahhhhaha..ahhhhh!!!!
aj: nakapture yung atm card niya, mali ung pin.
ciacia: ahhh...ahuhuhuhu...hee..huhuhu..ahhh..
aj: tatlong attemps na mali eh.
joanne: bkita ganun?
ciacia! ahhhh!!!!! huhuhuhuh...ahhheee!
aj: ung pin daw ni mama niya ung nae-enter niya. monday pa daw makukuha ung card.
[pansin ko lang, parang interpreter si aj ng kakaibang language ni ciacia...]
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umuwi na si jessica, unti-unti na ring umuwi ang mga suitors ko. walang tumagal in short. [kung may ka-block akong mkkbasa nito, wag sana ninyo akong sasabihang makapal. confident nlang :D]
si jessica umuwi na, dumiretso sa O.U.R.
si aj, ciacia at ako ay nagpabandang taft avenue.
aj: may tanong ako.
ciacia: ano un?
[may ibinulong si aj kay ciacia. ciacia: di ko magets kung nakikiliti o kinikilig.]
ciacia: friend, kanina pa daw niya gustong itanong ito sa iyo.
ako: ano yun? [lubdub-lubdub-lubdub....]
ciacia: kc...ano daw...ahmm...
ako: sige na, promise hindi ako magagalit. [kinakabahan ako]
ciacia: sino daw crush mo sa block natin?
NGEEK!!
ako: akala ko kung ano na!
aj: wla naman, naisip ko lang.'
ako: madami eh. haha.
ciacia: sige na friend, tayong tatlo lang naman eh.
ako: ok, binabase ko kc sa itsura at ugali eh.
aj at ciacia: *excited*
ako: [CENSORED...]
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nung lunch time, xempre saan pa ba kami kakain? sa banal na robinsons. food court. imaginin mo: maraming nagtitinda na iba-iba ung pangalan (sizzling galore, hot and spicy, kamay-kainan, etc.) pero pare-pareho ung tinda, madaming white na upuan, may 360 degrees na tv - equal food court ng rob.
ako: nag-eenjoy talaga ako sa philosophy!
jessica: i second the motion.
dame: nakakatuwa kc si sir eh.
aj: motion recognized. ako rin.
at biglang humirit si precious gem...
gem: may girlfriend na ba i sir?!
[tawanan...]
ako: SANA WALA!
[bahala ka na sa interpretasyon mo sa sinabi ko...]
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siguro, iniisip mo kung sino talaga ang crush ko. magbibigay ako nga clue. note: bawat numero, ibang tao. one clue per crush. ibig sabihin: kung gaano kadaming clue, ganoon kadami ang pinagnanasaan ko.
1. mahilig sa coffee.
2. di mahilig sa coffee.
3. maingay.
4. tahimik.
5. palaging mag-isa.
6. palaging may kasama.
7. tall, dark and handsome.
8. meron ding tall, white? and handsome.
9. matalino.
10. etc. [isama mo na dito yung mga hipon, lollipop at sabaw.]
yun lang.
:D
For so many days after my enrollment, finally, the fact that i am a UP student - ISKOLAR NG BAYAN, as they say, has finally sinked in me.
I woke up around four this morning. It's too early for my case since i used to wake up around 12 noon during summer. maybe the excitement for school - and much more for college was the reason.
The was no regular classes yet in our block. So all activities went around college, department and other kind of orientations.
I also got my ID today. At last, i can finally wear my ID with its screaming maroon strap which tells everyone i meet, "UP student ako!"
The first day was fun. We had chit-chats while waiting for our very accommodating FBC (peace kuya maqel!), exchanged stories while sitting in front of the oblation, ate lunch at Robinson's, and other things that would keep us busy.
Anyway, there was something important I learned today: the noblest journey is the journey for EXCELLENCE.
Mabuhay ang mga ISKOLAR NG BAYAN!
Please read my blogs. Take time to see also my previous blogs. I have 19 posts here. Drop some comments on them. I promise you'll never waste time on them. Enjoy!
The darkness of the night engulfs me. The pain you brought me consumes my whole being. I am completely lost in this abyss of sadness, drowned in this prodigy I never meant to suffer. My heart has been wrecked by the reality that I was misled by deceit.
The whole incident has improperly changed me.
My agony provoked my mouth to deliver words that bled the hurt I’ve gone through. I know these words might also hurt your feelings, but I am sorry. I just can’t resist myself in putting my emotions and ideas into text because this is the only way I find relief. Every detail of the past clutters in my mind and continuously tortures me. I know you may be annoyed and pissed off with my previous posts but you can’t blame me. This is the only way I escape. I always insist that I am happy and everything’s fine with us but it is so hard to pretend that everything’s really ok. Right now I am unsure if you are gnashing your teeth with me. You might be angry and you might not forgive me for being untrue when I told you that I wanted to be friends with you again. You know, it was true. I really wanted to be friends with you again. But I do not understand that I still cry myself to sleep every night. That I still care about you. That I become irritated when I see you happy with another girl. That every time I hear that same song, everything comes back again. That even when I want to tell that I hate you, it always mellows down to “I love you.” And that thing sucks. It is so weird, immature and helpless. I hate that I find it hard to move on and forget everything between the two of us, because every time I look back, it is still you whom I see.
Nevertheless, I am trying my best not to take a glimpse anymore, because the more I recall the past, the more I hurt myself. I want you to know that I am really sorry for taking some part in your life, for wasting your little time, for posting here how much I hate you (because there’s no other way, no freaking way I can free myself from the anxiety). I am sorry that you needed to pretend you were in love with me. I am sorry that you needed to give me gifts during occasions. I am sorry that you need to make everyone believe that we were an item. I am sorry that you had a hard time denying me. I am sorry that every time you see or hear about me your blood boils. And lastly, I am really sorry that I loved you.
This is going to be the last time you will be the topic of my post. Again, I wish you happiness. I hope God will guide you through your life. And now, I am bidding you goodbye. Yes. Goodbye. Now, I will finally let all of this go. And from now on, whenever I hear about you or see you, I will only remember you as a friend who passed in my life. Aurevoir.
Honestly, I am unsure of what would I tell you if ever we see each other again. I hate it that you are still hurting me even when you're already gone everything's done between us. I hate I that I am having a hard time forgetting about you and everything we shared about. I hate seeing you happy because I find it unfair that you seem to feel no pain at all while I am drowned in this prodigy. You know, how I wished you would just disappear when I snap my fingers. I wanna tell you that I hate you so much for everything you did. You are so rude, mean and cruel. But when I talk to you it seems so absurd that I mellow down and say we could still be friends despite everything you did. And I hate it. Because even for the very last time you lied to me. You pretty sure know what am I talking about. It is much disappointing because I already knew it from others and yet your still hesitant to tell me about it. But don't worry because I think I already figured it out. I just wish you happiness. You were already forgiven, at the same time forgotten. And now I am starting to know you again. Not the same way before, but a new acquiantance God sent me. I miss you friend.:(
I was dumped by the one person I believed honestly loved me. And I did nothing. Instead, I assumed we could still be, at least, best friends. And then, few days later, I felt so stupid. I was cheated. I thought I loved the right person. I was upset by the fact that he was always my priority while I was only one of his many OPTIONS. And yes, when I say options, you know what I mean.
I don't know how to handle all this. Maybe it’s right that I can't understand him because I don't know him that well. He didn't let me know him that well. And he’s wrong; he was very mean to me. Why in the world did you not say something so that I would not get false hopes? Before you went away... before you got sick of me...before you forgot there was something between us…before anything else. I can't understand that. Why you lead me on to believe something that was never true in the first place.
I can't say I’m surprised at the entire situation. After all, you stopped calling and texting me back before September, you stopped saying, "i love you", and you didn’t replied with mine’s. Talk about dishonesty. Saying you're not a good liar; you're a great one - to lead me to believe that you loved me. Then saying you're not sure you ever actually did. That was mean. It was very mean for you to put ideas in my head... giving me hope. You talking about you being grounded that’s why you do not have your phone. You talking about your friendship between that girl. Remember, I remember everything you said. You were the one who was so nervous to meet my family so I thought it actually meant something - that I actually meant something to you.
I was never looking for the love of my life like it came across. I was just looking for a best friend - someone to do things with, someone who didn't mind my goofiness or the rest of me. I hadn't had an actual friend in so long when I met you. And now I don't think you ever even liked me... even as a friend. I told you from day-one that I had severe abandonment issues and suddenly you're gone. That’s not the way to treat a friend so we must not have ever been friends, in your eyes. The friends I make in life, I cherish because I know I don't get that many chances and you threw me away like I was expendable. People are not expendable!
I had no idea that my consistent 24-hour-care annoyed you. I thought that you liked it because you were the one who was texting so much at night in the beginning. It just kind of stuck. I was simply following your lead because I knew you had never been involved in anything like it before. And yet, you ran off anyway. Remember when you got down for a weekend and I was scared of you shutting down on me. I wasn't afraid of being alone at the moment or whatever. I was afraid of this happening... of you shutting me out entirely. And look! it happened anyway.
After one conversation, you shut me out entirely. You said we grew apart... we didn't grow apart; you fell apart. And tried to blame it on me. You’re the one who couldn't face himself in the mirror. I’m not scared of what I am or what may happen.
My senior life in high school was spent with nights full of tears and heartaches. You gave me emotional and as well as psychological stress. I grew up afraid. Poor. Scared. Ugly. And afraid. But I grew up. I went off and found myself and came back a much stronger person. And I hope, your own self, you will too. I hate seeing you so down all of the time. And so afraid of your own reflection.
I think you lied to me Wednesday night when you said you were sorry and you didn’t mean cheating on me. I think the entire relationship scared you and you ran away. Not from me but from yourself and what you were becoming. If you were with me, it meant you were one thing and that scares you. So you used the only excuse you could think of, the one you knew would kill me.
I would hope that in those 8 months you would've learned something about me. I don't let people go; they let me go. I stand beside them no matter what, unless they tell me to leave. I’ve been told that I’m like a cookie - hard on the outside but a gooey and soft on the inside. And I break easily. I try my hardest to hold onto people but they still leave me. Do you know what that's like? More than anything else in the world, you really should've just shot me last April 9; it would've been less painful than to be told you weren't loved. AGAIN.
I’m sorry that I took up your time and I wish you lucked with everything. Please never again tell someone you love them, if you really don't. Well, I am moving on. And one more thing, I could have been the best thing you ever had. But you let me go and you looked for a lower level of creation. It’s your decision. After all, it wasn’t me who did something wrong. It was you who CHEATED. Good luck and God bless you.
To you I write this piece
So take time to read, please
This concerns the boy who made me smile
The one who sent shivers down my spine
To tell you, I love him so
And I think he loved me, too
But that was only before
Because now he loves not me, but you
You came into his life
And changed everything with a snap
You were so influential
That in our relationship, he gave up
It is so hard to say goodbye
Because in my heart he’ll never die
It is so hard to let him go
And see him, to you he would go
His eyes that were once mine
His smile so divine
And the song he promised to do for me
Will all now be yours, lady
And as I write this piece
I cannot stop the tears
Every single word I write
Only breaks my heart
And before I end, to you these words I part
Please take good care of him
For my love for him never changed
Love him tenderly and deeply
Understand his weaknesses
Liberate him from darkness
Love him UNCONDITIONALLY and FAITHFULLY
Unlike what he did to me
And please do me favor
Hold his hands, hug him tight and kiss him
One last time for me
-From the GIRL he LOVED
To you I also write a piece
So take time to read please
This concerns the relationship we thought would never die
But now here comes the time to say goodbye
You’re the one who made me smile
My FIRST, my one and only love
To you I found my knight
So faithful and true to my sight
You were the man who rescued a garden
From lethal loneliness I bloomed by your caress
I thought this has no end
You never told me about her
She whom you now love
And soon to her you would offer
Your heart that was once mine
You made me believe that you love me still
And never thought about what I’d feel
“..walang iwanan..” you have promised me
My knight in shining armor you’ll always be
What you did to me was so painful
You’ve hurt my feelings
This time I know it is you who is wrong
But please help me to stay strong
For it’s really hard that we’ll be apart
For I know you’ll always be in my heart I always cry, every sleepless night
In our relationship, why did I hold tight?
And now you’ve decided to leave me alone
I do not have the enough strength to move on
And as I write this piece
I cannot stop the tears
Every single word I write
Only breaks my heart
And to you these words I part
Please love her very much
Take good care of her
Never let her cry
See her strong at her nothingness
Appreciate her little acts of kindness
Be FAITHFUL and NEVER hurt her feelings
Like what you did tome
And for the last time
I’ll say these words to you
“I LOVE YOU”
-From the GIRL you LOVED
Namimiss kita.
Namimiss ko yung mga araw akala ko ay wala akong kasama.
Namimiss ko yung araw na nakita kita at nakita mo ako.
Namimiss ko yung araw na nalaman kong gusto mo ako.
Namimiss ko yung araw na magkatabi tayo.
Namimiss ko yung mga jokes mo.
Namimiss ko yung mga sandaling napapatawa mo ako kahit ni ngumiti ay ayaw ko.
Namimiss ko yung tinuturuan mo ako kapag may hindi ako naiintindihan.
Namimiss ko yung araw na una kitang nagustuhan.
Namimiss ko yung may nagsasabi sa akin na maganda ako.
Namimiss ko yung may nang-aasar sa akin.
Namimiss ko yung may nagtatanong kung kumain na ba ako.
Namimiss ko yung may tumatawag sa akin sa gabi upang sabihing mahal niya ako.
Namimiss ko yung gitara mo.
Namimiss ko yung titutugtugan mo ako kapag malungkot ako.
Namimiss ko yung may nagpapatigil sa pag-iyak ko.
Namimiss ko yung may pumupunas ng mga luha ko.
Namimiss ko yung hawak mo yung kamay ko.
Namimiss ko yung magkasayaw tayo.
Namimiss ko yung nagtitinginan tayo.
Namimiss ko yung nandiyan ka.
Namimiss ko yung ngiti mong kay gandang pagmasdan.
Namimiss ko yung mga mata mong napaka-sincere.
Namimiss ko yung mga text at call mo.
Namimiss ko yung boses mong malambing ngunit buo at lalaking-lalaki.
Namimiss ko yung may naghihintay sa akin.
Namimiss ko yung may kasama akong naglalakad.
Namimiss ko yung may naghahatid sa akin pauwi.
Namimiss ko yung nireregaluhan ako.
Namimiss ko yung may nireregaluhan ako.
Namimiss ko yung ginagawan ako ng tula at kanta.
Namimiss ko yung may inspirasyon ako.
Namimiss ko yung may nag-aalala ‘pag nilalagnat ako.
Namimiss ko yung bago ako matulog, alam kong may nag-iisip sa akin.
Namimiss ko yung may nagpapaalala sa aking masayang mabuhay.
Namimiss ko yung pagiging importante.
Namimiss ko yung may nagsasabing, “kaya mo iyan!” pag sumusuko na ako.
Namimiss ko yung nangako ka na “walang iwanan”.
Namimiss ko yung may minamahal ako.
Namimiss ko yung may nagmamahal sa akin
Namimiss ko yung namimiss ako.
Namimiss ko yung ikaw at ako.
Namimiss ko yung tayo.
Namimiss ko yung kaklase ko.
Namimiss ko yung kaklase kong itinuring kong kaibigan.
Namimiss ko yung kaibigang minahal ko.
Namimiss kita.
Sana namimiss mo rin ako.
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